Assembling flatpacks

[Snuff.]

So simple a retard could do it.

Not. You look at the instructions and there's three steps to it. You start completing the instructions and the first step turns into ten. On the diagram, the two pieces of metal you're given slide into on another to form a neat tightly fitted shape. IRL they sit loosely and pathetically against one another until you find out, halfway down the page, they're meant to fit into the bedstead before they can look anything like they do on the lying bastard son of a whore of a manual.

At this point you get a couple screws out and place them to one side because you're going to need them in the next five minutes, right? Fucking wrong - twenty minutes of turning the bedstead around, repeatedly sliding and removing the cunting pieces of metal and running around looking at this intolerable mess from more angles than you knew existed and the screws have gone fucking walkies.

Time to twist up another one and log into FileCabi.net.

[ICE420]

The best thing to do with instructions with flatpacks is,

Get the instructions , soak them in Vodka, let them dry,

Get about 7 grams of Weed, grind it up,

Make a Cone,

light it , and while smoking it arrange all the little bit and bobs into groups ( their own ones obviously:1orglaugh: ), get a mental picture of how it´s going to look, ( relight the Spliff) and get stuck in.

You may not have an end result any better than if you had used the instructions for their intended purpose, but at least you´ll be stoned and gave it a go.

[Snuff.]

^ ROFL

Yup, that qualifies as most random post of the day. :xyxthumbs:

[Big Ozzie]

^ ROFL

Yup, that qualifies as most random post of the day. :xyxthumbs:

Eeeerrruuummmm........wat abowt dis?

WATDAFUK is a FLATPACK???? :eek7:

[Raidenator]

I googled it and came up with staircases, wtf?

[ICE420]

Eeeerrruuummmm........wat abowt dis?

WATDAFUK is a FLATPACK???? :eek7:

When you buy , say a bed, wardrobe etc, but it´s not assembled, it comes in a flatpack, box, all nice and tidy until you open the fucker and it spawns into enough pieces to build a football stadium.

Like IKEA for instance.

[ICE420]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2302/1517111163_6600fb22d4_m.jpg

[evil ernie]

The best thing to do with instructions with flatpacks is,

Get the instructions , soak them in Vodka, let them dry,

Get about 7 grams of Weed, grind it up,

Make a Cone,

light it , and while smoking it arrange all the little bit and bobs into groups ( their own ones obviously:1orglaugh: ), get a mental picture of how it´s going to look, ( relight the Spliff) and get stuck in.

You may not have an end result any better than if you had used the instructions for their intended purpose, but at least you´ll be stoned and gave it a go.

I remember rolling cones out of A4 sheets of paper when i was at school..... thank god i'm past that ..... only did it once ..... won't do that again .....

[Big Ozzie]

When you buy , say a bed, wardrobe etc, but it´s not assembled, it comes in a flatpack, box, all nice and tidy until you open the fucker and it spawns into enough pieces to build a football stadium.

Like IKEA for instance.

OMFG!!!! :omg: :omg:
I HATE that shit!!!
Never bought from IKEA, but I know a lot of low end Furniture sold in Department Store like WalMart comes that way. In particular, computer desks, bookshelves, cabinets, room dividers and entertainment centers!
Yeah, I know what you mean...Gas Grills are the WORSE!!
What a Nightmare! The Grills I pay someone the extra $10.00 to assemble...but the Furniture?
Why the Fuck do they use those special screws with the special heads?
Gimmee a Friggin Break!
And the Weight? That crap Composite wood is so damn heavy!
Fookin A!! :sport-smiley-005:

[tgd_02]

i wanted more
than to have my day

....

ill try that vodka thing man, sounds good

[hopper44]

I used to work for Ikea almost every day you would see some one at the help desk standing with a part of an item in one hand and the instructions in the other with a very confused look on their faces it was so funny sometimes as they new everyone who worked their was silently laughing at them:)
I must admit Ikea instructions are better than some I have worked with

[Quackers]

The worst ones are the imported flatpacks with very badly translated English.

Would be funny if it wasn't so irritating.

I'm quite good at all that flatpack shit n putting stuff together though.

I swear it's like almost tradition to be missing one vital screw or something per flatpack though.

[Hunt]

I love ikea stuff..

:(

[Satan's Uncle Ron]

For unassembled furniture, I get my tools, the pieces, and throw the directions out. I don't need no damn directions.

[ICE420]

For unassembled furniture, I get my tools, the pieces, and throw the directions out. I don't need no damn directions.

Exactly, or like I said, smoke em.:rasta:

[Borro]

serioulsy, 2 fucking pages of this shit?

[verticalkiller]

we bought this from eBay, they bought it from Argos......8 fucking pages of instruction.....lots of dotted lines


http://www.argos.co.uk/wcsstore/argos/images/192-8752769iA67UC320779M.jpg

[hoschiadedodi]

I never had a problem assembling furniture. So I go with Hopper and laugh about all the people having problems with their new IKEA rack.

[MontysDouble]

^^^ Gotta love a good Swedish rack...

http://images.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://blogs.bbc.co.uk/worldhaveyoursay/obese_child203.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blogs.bbc.co.uk/worldhaveyoursay/2007/03/what_should_we_do_about_fat_ki_1.html&start=10&h=152&w=203&sz=8&tbnid=cdEpZFY3kc2eTM:&tbnh=79&tbnw=105&hl=en&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgrossly%2Bobese%26gbv%3D1%26hl%3Den%2 6safe%3Doff%26sa%3DG

[Big Ozzie]

serioulsy, 2 fucking pages of this shit?

Sure, Why Not?
It is like the Fight Room....
If your skin isn't thick enough to take it,
GTFO!!! http://filecabi.net/forum/images/smilies/xyxthumbs.gif

[sib]

My first ride gave me about 10 months of fun before the transmission went. So I figured I twist a fatty and see what the hell makes a car run. Anyway, dismantled the 360 mopar for the hell of it and it was probably one of the better things I could do to understand fabrication. That and being a homeowner, redoing my electric and plumbing etc. makes minor assembly jobs easy.

The secret to that small shit is to read the instructions entirely prior to touching a tool. If you only read step by step you will start to see how things go together and then you'll work ahead of the instructions, only to find that, although your intuition was correct, the numeric steps were not, which generally means undoing what you just assembled to accomodate the correct order of the assembly. :rasta:

[Big Ozzie]

Read? READ?
If it don't have Pretty Pictures in teh Instructions...back in
teh Box it goes! :xyxthumbs: :drinkup: :rasta: Time fer a Beer and a Burn!

[Heero Valentine]

:1orglaugh: i agree with Ozzie on this one.
cause for some reason i'm really bad with following textual instructions...
i get distracted way too fast...i just start with it without looking at the instructions
and then hope it's going to look like the picture on the box :p

[psycho_terror]

serioulsy, 2 fucking pages of this shit?

chill pill anyone?

aint assembled any flat packs for a couple years now thank god. my only advice is to get some help, cause it's easy to miss a detail here and there and end up with the ubiquitous extra screw...

[Big Ozzie]

chill pill anyone?

aint assembled any flat packs for a couple years now thank god. my only advice is to get some help, cause it's easy to miss a detail here and there and end up with the ubiquitous extra screw...

Hahaha...I gots a can full of "extra screws" in my Junk Drawer in the Kitchen :xyxthumbs:

[crazee horse]

what pisses me off is when the screws are a tiny bit different, but still thinkuseable for either hole, until you use the shorter and it dont hold. also nearly finishing it, and realising that the main piece is upside down. im anal about this now, when i have a flat pack to do, girlfriend go"s out, i have battery drill on charge few beers and instructions and screws all checked and spread out. no way am i being a screw short again lol

[Borro]

Sure, Why Not?
It is like the Fight Room....
If your skin isn't thick enough to take it,
GTFO!!! http://filecabi.net/forum/images/smilies/xyxthumbs.gif


I was kidding.......sheesh.

[hopper44]

I forgot to say in my last post most Ikea stores have people that will build your items up for you in your home at a price :D

[hopper44]

what pisses me off is when the screws are a tiny bit different, but still thinkuseable for either hole, until you use the shorter and it dont hold. also nearly finishing it, and realising that the main piece is upside down. im anal about this now, when i have a flat pack to do, girlfriend go"s out, i have battery drill on charge few beers and instructions and screws all checked and spread out. no way am i being a screw short again lol
great minds think a like thats what I do also:)

[Big Ozzie]

I was kidding.......sheesh.

You said "seriously" in yer Post!
I thought you was posting seriously
fer cryin owt loud! :omg: